The Blessings Shine Through the Cloud of Grief

As I sit here wrapped in grief, with Pam’s photo staring back at me from my computer, I am reminded of how blessed we have been. We were blessed as a family and as a couple.

As parents, we raised three daughters who have become hard-working, caring members of society. They are well educated and understand the value of education. I used to tell them that where you went to school and the grades you earned were only important in getting your first job. In the long run, personal integrity and a strong work ethic matter far more. We must have been decent role models because they have gone on to raise the next generation with those same values.

We were also blessed with opportunities that many people only dream about. Pam accompanied me on two business trips to Arizona. We stayed at a first-class resort and rode horseback through the Arizona desert. While I was working, she toured Sedona and visited the Wrigley Mansion.

We only lived in the Dallas, Texas, area for eighteen months, but during that time we welcomed our daughter, Allyson, into the world. In those short eighteen months, we also had the opportunity to meet and chat with three Dallas Cowboys football players. One of them was even in our Lamaze childbirth class.

We were blessed to travel throughout this country. In 1985, we flew to California for my brother’s wedding. It was the girls’ first airplane ride.  Along with celebrating the wedding, the highlight of the trip was a personal tour of the animal nursery at the San Francisco Zoo.  When Courtney was about eighteen years old, we took a wonderful family vacation to the Williamsburg, Virginia, area. The girls walked through Thomas Jefferson’s home at Monticello and visited the site of the mysterious Lost Colony of Roanoke. 

Our entire family grew to love the island of Bermuda because of my procrastination. I had promised Pam I would take her on a cruise, but after waiting five years or more, she decided to book one herself. She and three of her bowling friends sailed from Boston to Bermuda aboard the Norwegian Majesty. We had such a wonderful time that Pam immediately wanted to go again.

Before passengers return to port, the cruise lines make a strong push to book another voyage, often with a generous discount. I agreed to return, but this time I wanted to bring the girls with us. We ended up taking two more cruises to Bermuda as a family. The highlights were kayaking around St. George’s and spending a day sailing around the island in a twenty-seven-foot sailboat.

A business trip brought us back for our fourth visit. My boss organized a three-day strategic planning meeting that included spouses. We sampled some of Bermuda’s finest restaurants, and before leaving, everyone divided into two teams for a sailboat race across Hamilton Harbor. Pam and I stayed two extra days before flying home.

Our final trip to Bermuda was especially meaningful. It was the destination wedding of our youngest daughter, Kendra. By then, she too had fallen in love with the island.

Our blessings extended beyond travel. We loved horseback riding so much that we eventually owned horses ourselves, along with all the veterinary bills and feed costs that came with them. We owned a farm in rural Maine, where we experienced wildlife up close, including bears, moose, and fishers. Later, we bought a used motor home, which allowed us to explore places like Prince Edward Island in Canada and the Amish countryside of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.

When we grieve the loss of someone we love, it is easy to focus on what has been taken from us and overlook the blessings that filled our lives. I cannot do that. My grief is real, and I miss Pam every day. But alongside that grief is a lifetime of memories, experiences, and love that many people never have the chance to know.

I have not overlooked those blessings. They remind me that, despite the sorrow I carry today, we lived a remarkably full and blessed life together.